


What Did Akumatization Feel Like?

by HarlequinKing



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarlequinKing/pseuds/HarlequinKing
Summary: It was meant to be a simple question. Adrien had never been akumatized before and he didn't realize that maybe that might be a taboo question. Well it didn't really matter because a simple class hangout quickly turned into a trauma sharing ring. After all answering a question shouldn't be that hard but spilling your guts to your classmates is admittedly much more difficult then originally thought.Everyone's akumatization feels different and no one says yes when you know your about to be akumatized without being traumatized by a magical terrorist.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	What Did Akumatization Feel Like?

It started with an after school class hangout. The whole class, besides Lila who had an appointment with Prince Ali about one of the charities they worked with, was there and after a long day of school they were planning on relaxing at the park and maybe grabbing ice cream together. It was supposed to be a fun event. Eventually akumas got brought up. Hawkmoth always came up in conversations nowadays even when no one wanted to talk about him, especially akuma victims. No one wanted to talk about him but no one wanted to make the conversation awkward and so they didn’t and the conversation progressed. 

Adrien was the one who asked the question. What does akumatization feel like? The class silented for a moment before Ivan spoke in a quiet tone. 

“I think it’s different for everyone but to me it felt like I could feel every bad thing done to me amplified to a thousand. It felt like I was hearing every mean comment and worried or scared side glance. It felt like I was a monster and then I said yes and I was, I was the first akuma in Paris and I don’t ever want to be one again,” and one by one they all spoke up. 

“I was angry that Monsieur Agreste wouldn’t let Adrien throw a party, Hawkmoth offered a way but his way of offering wasn’t kind. It felt like I was a kid again. My family owns a small business and when I was younger it wasn’t doing very well, I felt like I did after I asked for toys or candy and I was refused. I understand now that we couldn’t afford it but when I was a kid it felt like I was being refused a childhood and Akumatization to me felt infantilizing and then I said yes just so I could stop feeling like a kid, Now I realize it was stupid and I should have said no but at that point I don’t think I could have because I just wanted it to stop so bad,” Nino said trying to fill the silence

“I wanted to find out Ladybugs identity and to be completely honest I still do but akumatization felt like being blinded, I could only hear and everything else was blurry like before I got my glasses. I mean I may be legally blind without them but I didn’t get them until I was in my last year of elementary and everyday I had to guess who I was near because I couldn’t see them. Being akumatized felt like I was losing my eyesight and I just wanted to be able to see clearly again to be able to tell who is who without having to second guess myself, so I said yes,” Alya explained 

“Compared to everyone else mine feels like a stupid reason but I was rejected by Chloe, Looking back I should’ve known she wasn’t into me but I don’t know I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask,” Kim explained rubbing the back of his neck. “ Akumatization to me felt like losing everything I’d ever done, It felt like failed tests and swim meets where I don’t even come close to winning, it felt like I was failing at everything all at once and it was too much I guess I just didn’t want to fail anymore so I said yes,” 

“I was given a family heirloom, My dad wanted me to keep it safe as a birthday present. It got broken and I know I blamed Marinette and Chloe but I don’t think it was really their fault, to me akumatization felt like disappointing my dad, I love him but some of his standards are higher than I think I could have reached then and still now. I felt like the heirloom was me getting somewhere and I would’ve ripped apart the world to get that, Hawkmoth offered a way for me to get the heirloom back, and I just wanted my dad to be proud of me, so I said yes,” Alix explained as she fidgeted with her hands.

“If you didn't know already I have anger issues and I am bipolar. I was made fun of for my crush that I had had at the time. I was already in a bad mood that day. I wasn’t able to sleep the night before, I was verging on a depressive episode and I was embarrassed and humiliated in front of my crush at the time. Akumatization felt like every depressive episode I had ever had all at once. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to do anything really, It was near lunchtime and I just lost my appetite. I said yes because I felt so overwhelmed by everything and I knew if I just said yes it would be over and I’d only have the usual amount of sad numbness and not the overwhelming hundreds of episodes that I just knew I wouldn’t be able to handle, so I said yes,” Nathaniel was quiet naturally but even then when he spoke others listened and the class listened and could only imagine what that would’ve been like for the short boy. 

“I’m anxious most of the time, It’s just who I am, school pictures were always the worst, similar to first days and first meetings. I felt like I had a curse on me because I never once got a good photo of me. I was locked in a bathroom during pictures and I felt invisible. Hawkmoth told me he could make me seen, I thought he was a way out of the curse. I just wanted to be noticed and seen by others so I didn’t question it and I said yes,” Juleka who was leaning against Rose said to the class. 

“I was akumatized because my best friend pretended I was invisible. I work so hard to keep my dearest friends happy and they shoved it in my face. I just wanted to be thanked even once and instead they pretended I didn’t exist. When Hawkmoth told me I could get revenge all I felt was underappreciated and overworked so I said yes and I regret it but I don’t think I would’ve been strong enough to say no,” Sabrina explained slowly trying to pick the best words to describe what it felt like. 

“I want to start off by saying I’m sorry, I didn’t really understand what it felt like to everyone else until I was akumatized and even then my ego and attitude got in the way. I was akumatized because Ladybug was mean to me. It’s stupid really honestly ridiculous but I was. When Hawkmoth asked me it felt like I was six again and my mom was leaving. It felt like my dad was giving me gifts instead of actually talking to me. It felt like I was reliving all of the bad days of my childhood and I wanted to feel okay so I said yes,” Chloe who was usually brash and loud and snotty had apologized and the class truly didn’t know what to think. 

“I have played video games since I was a kid besides school. It was probably one of the only other things I felt I did well enough to be proud. The tournament was a way for me to show people that I’m more than a geek. I was almost there and at the last second it was taken from me. I was already sad that Adrien had beaten me but then Marinette did at the last second and I was suddenly out of the tournament. I was mad and Hawkmoth made me feel like everything I had ever worked for or prided myself in was taken away at the last second. I wanted it back and admitted I shouldn’t have been so worked up but I just wanted to be seen as something other than a nerd. For something that wasn’t school, So I said yes,” Max explained embarrassed to be talking about his akumatizaton. 

“I don’t like to admit it but I wanted to be a princess and I thought that Prince Ali was my only chance so I had a bit of a huge crush on him and Chloe ended up making fun of me for it. I kinda lost it. I felt like my dreams were crushed and I know it was silly but I just was so angry and upset and Hawkmoth offered me a way to fulfill the dreams I’ve had since I was a child. I always wanted to be a princess and Hawkmoth offered to make me one so I said yes,” Rose sitting on the grass holding Juleka’s hand while she leaned on her said. 

“I don’t know if I had told you all but on Heroes Day I was almost akumatized by Scarlet Moth. I just felt kind of betrayed that Ladybug who was supposed to protect us was going to be the one who destroyed Paris,” Marinette admitted to the shock of her class who had all assumed she hadn’t yet been akumatized. “I’ve had bad panic attacks before where I haven’t been able to really do anything after them because everything felt wrong and my whole body felt like it was covered in static. To me almost being akumatized felt like all of the panic attacks and the aftermath all at once and before I could say yes to make it stop it was gone, I still felt the static for awhile after though, I’m pretty sure that if he had asked I would have said yes but he for some reason wasn’t able to so I’d say I’m probably the luckiest for having been so close to being akumatized but being saved right before I could accept,” Marinette fidgeted with the buttons on her blazer while she explained. 

Eventually the conversation moved on from akumatization and the whole class was grateful to not have to talk about it anymore. The class may not have known it at the time but they all had grown closer that day and it was a pivotal moment in what would be the timeline in which Gabriel Agreste is arrested for terrosrism without any hero casualties in the final battle. The class may not have known but their souls would recognize each other well and work together even better.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've kinda ghosted my ao3 account but it was because my anxiety really said you can't do anything until you finish your summer assignments and then everything piled up so I waited until the last day because I had a bunch of stuff I had to do after my assignments and I was overwhelmed by all the stuff I had pushed to after my assignments. Apparently that's not healthy though so I am getting therapy so that's good. Sorry it took so long so have this decently long piece about akumatization as an apology.


End file.
